If you’ve been leading long enough, you know losing a great employee hurts more than the bottom line. Yes, the time, money, and energy it takes to replace them is painful—but what really stings is realizing the exit didn’t come out of nowhere. It was forming quietly, right under the surface.
Even high performers can disengage while still “getting the job done.”
That’s silent turnover. Good people don’t quit all at once—they slowly disengage. They bring less of their best thinking, stop asking questions, and start mentally updating their résumé long before they say goodbye. By the time it’s official, the decision is old news.
And no, the fix isn’t another survey or a shinier perk. Pizza Friday has never repaired a trust gap. Preventing silent turnover comes down to paying attention, having real conversations, and listening without getting defensive.
We often sense it and stay busy, hoping it fixes itself. Notice these early. Don’t assume they’ll resolve themselves.
They won’t. But when leaders slow down, listen, and ask the questions they’d rather avoid, they don’t just keep their best people—they become leaders worth staying for.
Note for Leaders
If this kind of conversation is new or uncomfortable, getting coaching beforehand can make the difference between genuine repair and making it worse.
Before you sit down with them, have a very honest conversation with yourself. (Yes, this part is non-negotiable.)
Ask: Have I actually been fair? Have I treated them with respect—not just as an employee, but as a human being with a life, limits, and a nervous system?
What outcome do I really want here? And while you’re at it, check the workload math. Are they underperforming… or just buried under a pile of work no reasonable person could carry?
Because here’s the thing: how you truly feel about them will leak out. Always. If you don’t like, respect, or genuinely care about them, don’t pretend. And please don’t invite someone to pour their heart out only to meet them with a blank stare or executive stone-face.
Honest conversations require actual honesty—on both sides. And if you’re not willing to bring that, it’s better to pause than to pretend concern you don’t actually feel.
How to Talk About It
This is a high-stakes conversation. Self-awareness matters. Can you listen without getting defensive—especially when what you hear hits close to home?
Where, and how, you have this conversation matters.
When someone may be quietly disengaging, how you ask matters more than what you ask. Set up a calm, private conversation with genuine curiosity—not an agenda to fix or persuade in the moment.
Physical positioning alone can raise or lower Psychological Safety.
Do sit across from them at the same level. A table or desk is fine.
Do not perch on the corner of their desk – power dynamics are real.
And don’t “therapize” them. That usually feels condescending or intrusive. Their personal life is their business—though it can help to be aware if they’ve recently experienced something significant, like a loss.
Simple rule: create safety, not awkwardness. This isn’t the time to negotiate or assume you already know what’s going on. It’s time to listen and learn.
A trust-building conversation close can be as simple as:
“Thank you for being honest. I need time to think about this, and I’ll follow up.”
Then be sure you do follow up—ideally after debriefing with a trusted advisor.
Asking an employee to evaluate you is advanced leadership, not a popularity contest. The goal is safety, seriousness, and zero consequences for honesty.
More in the next blog. Meanwhile, what has your experience with quiet quitting been?
I believe in you,
Rose