We’ve all had leadership “role models” (for better or worse) since before we could walk. Who’s got the power? Who is making things happen? Who follows through, and who is merely all talk and no action? Who can we trust?
As adults, many executives and other leaders struggle to find a balance between “performing” (which is formal, and can create distance), and “being present,” or conscious leadership, which can create connection, a sense of empathy, belonging, and teamwork.
Depending on who we unconsciously model after, our leadership style can help or hinder us.
When Leadership Goes Wrong
From my organizational assessment interviews with employees at various levels, one person summed up a common roadblock this way:
“My boss has no idea how he alienates people. It negatively impacts morale, results, stress, and retention. People just don’t want to work here.”
This boss didn’t know how to connect – and didn’t know that he didn’t know. He thought he was communicating as expected – he was “performing” as a “leader. “
This makes everyone’s job harder than it needs to be. Maybe you have led with a heavy hand without realizing it – heavy on the “telling” and lacking in “listening?”
If we unconsciously model the leadership style of our parents, or bosses we’ve had, it is not surprising that so many executives are lacking in communication skills would that invite collaboration and teamwork.
Why Performance-Based Leadership Falls Flat
Even the movies show the “top” leaders throwing their weight around, forcing employees to do tasks they dislike. So, when a crisis comes, is it any surprise that there is a mass exodus?
Sometimes it is a disconnect without being heavy handed: Years ago, my husband and I went to a lavish promotional dinner sponsored by a successful investment firm. The president of the firm gave the welcoming speech, and the talk could have been written in the 1950’s. He felt he had a good talk, so why change it? But it didn’t connect, and he was clearly out of touch with his audience.
(He probably wouldn’t wear the suit that he was wearing in the 50’s?)
The Power of Presence in Conscious Leadership
The alternative to “performing” is “presence.” This takes a certain amount of personal strength, to be adaptable, to listen and be curious about the people around you, to have empathy for what they might be experiencing, and to learn from every situation. Creating Psychological Safety is very powerful: people feeling confident knowing that they can share their thoughts without negative consequences.
Presence implies conscious leadership and increases the likelihood that you will keep top talent. Mindful leadership coaching can save you the pain of trial and error, and wasted time, especially from blind spots (called blind spots for a good reason!!) Here are a few surprising questions:
- Do you think most people expect to “like” their jobs?
- Is it a given that you can expect to barely tolerate your stressful job?
- How do you think your boss sees this?
- Do you think your boss cares whether you are happy in your job?
A Real-Life Example: The Leader Who Only “Told”
One executive, I’ll call him Bob, said to me “I’ve told them and told them… but things don’t change.” So, I asked, “…. And when you “told” them, what did they say?” He looked at me with surprise, “what do you mean?”
“When you finish telling, do you offer listening? Anything that would let you know how your message landed? Did they get it? Agree with it? Perhaps they quietly vow to themselves to find another job and get out of there as soon as possible?”
Unconsciously, Bob had the assumption that because he was the boss they had to do what he told them, without question. He didn’t realize that he had this mindset, and that it was vastly different from the people who were working for him. To him, it didn’t matter how they felt about it. It was their job, and they had to do it. That’s just how life is: No one likes their job, it is work, and you just must do it.
Why Presence Matters More Than You Think
“Presence” gives you the capacity to be with your audience, your colleagues, your teams. Presence and mindful leadership allows connection, being capable of listening, learning, pivoting when necessary, bringing others along.
“Together we can do something special.” A leader who is fair and respectable will find that their team is loyal, and supportive.
No surprise – it comes back to soft skills – people skills, the ability to inspire people, to empower and motivate people.
The Bottom Line: Soft Skills = Strong Results
- Don’t lose your head but DO have a heart.
- Care about the people you work with and lead.
- Hone your soft skills, and your personal development.
- Create Psychological Safety – it will pay dividends.
These things will enrich your strategy, your team retention, and your results. And now it’s my turn to listen – please share your thoughts with me by messaging me here.
I believe in you.
Rose